Survey About Surveys

Have you noticed that nearly every receipt you're given at a retail store contains a plea for you to go to a Web site and take a survey?
1) Never 2) Some times 3) All the time 4) Too much of the time

How many emails do you receive each day asking if you would like to take a survey?
1) None 2) 2-3 3)3-4 4)Somewhere between 5 and 10,000

Do you sometimes wonder if they really are conducting a survey or just mining information about you?
1) Never 2)Some times 3) All the time 4) Too much of the time

Have you ever answered questions the opposite of the real answer?
1) Never 2) Some times 3)All the time, including now 4) Never, including now

Have you ever taken a "five-minute" survey that actually took thirty minutes?
1) Never 2) Some times 3) Is this one of those?

Have you ever found some of the questions totally idiotic or impossible to answer with the selections offered?
1) Yes 2) No 3) Maybe 4) Cinco de Mayo

On your last visit to our store, did you notice any signs of intelligent life?
1) Yes 2) No 3) Maybe 4)I always use the self-check-out

If you use the self-checkout feature, have you noticed that:
1) It takes twice as long as the human checkout 2) It takes four times as long as the human checkout 3) Something always goes wrong that requires a human to correct the problem

Thank you for taking our survey. Based on your responses, nothing about our retail operation will change. Our employees will continue to treat your presence on our premises as a necessary nuisance. Your name will be entered in our contest and you have a one in 658 billion chance of winning a discount coupon worth 10 percent off on your next purchase of more than $50 million. By entering our survey, please be advised that we may sell or otherwise distribute your answers to every nut on the planet who wants to send you an email about fake Rolex watches, cheap medicines from North Korea or miracle cures for acne, hay fever and gout.